Being on Twitter only seems to get Kanye West in trouble. That has been alarmingly clear in 2018, but it's nothing new. He has a history of outlandish tweets that have rocked Twitter users to their core. He just knows how to do it, whether it's intentional or just a byproduct of who he is.
Kanye West is the perfect person for the Twitter platform. Unhinged, passionate, and unafraid of free thought. What that means is that half the time he's saying something stupidly brilliant, and the other half of the time he's really pissing people off. In his own words, "everything Ye say start a new debate."
From past to present, here are some of his top tweets, ranging from beautiful to cringeworthy. The fun thing about a list like this? It can just keep growing and growing. Let me know what you think of Kanye's tweets these days in the comments. #45 will make you fall to the floor!
1. The GOAT
One thing people can not take away from Kanye is his talent. I'm talking specifically with music. I don't think his shoes and fashion line are as widely accepted as his music (though still popular). As much dumb shit as he says, when he drops a track you can't deny it. He knows what he's doing. Put that in conjunction with the fact that he does have a shoe and fashion line (whether you think his shoes look dope or like your grandma's runners), and you start to realize that as talented as you are, you are no Kanye West.
A lot of people will talk shit like this, but who else can back it up? I'm about to stick some shoes and shirts together just so I can say I have a fashion line. Right now, article writer at buzzfuse.net isn't exactly elevating me to Kanye level.
2. Kanye is Wicked
I'll be honest. I haven't seen 'Wicked,' but I have heard the soundtrack on repeat. They used to play the soundtrack at the theater I worked at, so I can sing pretty much every song. Months and months of the 'Wicked' soundtrack can change the physical makeup of your DNA. Maybe that's why Kanye is so weird. He listened to too much 'Wicked.' That would drive anyone to creative madness.
Kanye has been made out to be the villain many times in the past, so I can see how he feels like 'Wicked' is his story. It tells the story of how a woman became the Wicked Witch of the West after being framed. Does Kanye feel like a wicked witch? I bet he absolutely does. Sure, he has dark powers, but those only manifested because of the hate from the haters. Wow, this is getting deep.
3. White Girl Insecurity
Misconceptions. I think that word can describe fan's relationships with many artists, especially Kanye. There's the misconception that all black men love white women. That's not true. What about Hoteps? At the same time, there is also the misconception that black men are violent towards white women. Both can't be true, right? We have to work on dealing with those misconceptions, that way if you're ever a white girl chilling with Kanye West, you don't say "I thought you didn't like us?"
First off, you kind of have to disregard anything Kanye says, especially if it's in a song. The dude just talks sometimes. It's not always well thought out. If he ever outright said "I don't like white women," then that's just Kanye talking. The only white woman I know him to have an issue with Taylor Swift, and even then that's not an issue. He made that bitch famous, after all.
4. The Ultimate Truth
I'm sorry, but never has a tweet spoke to me more than this one. I hate being responsible for things that I didn't ask for. Water bottles. Kids. You name it. I've been in a situation like this before where someone gives me a water bottle without me asking for it and I spent the next eight hours with it looking for a recycling can. Could I just throw it in the street? No, what do I look like? Littering is for chumps. I might be sleeping in those streets some day.
Is Kanye making a larger point on racial issues, though? No, probably not, but let me attempt. The water bottle represents the genetically-passed trauma of black people. The thing is, Kanye simply wants to take flight and be great, but he's lamenting this weight he must not only carry, but be responsible for. Boom.
5. Rugging him the Wrong Way
I'm assuming that Kanye didn't get the Persian rug with cherub imagery that he ordered. What do you think? Where's he shopping for rugs where he doesn't know what he's getting until he gets it? You have to get pictures of your rugs before flying them all the way from Persia. Even if they were made in some small village without cameras, Kanye can send over one of his assistants to check it out. That's what I'd do with Kanye money.
I wonder what kind of cherub imagery he wanted on his Persian rugs and why. Honestly, I think he couldn't find it because it doesn't exist. I am no expert on Persians, or their rugs, but I never took them for a cherub-loving people. In fact, I just googled "cherub persian rugs" and the only thing that comes up is Kanye West's tweet.
6. Arial Talk
I can relate to Kanye on this. I think anyone who saw the Papyrus font on 'Avatar' can relate to this font. Seriously, what's up with that weak-ass font? That's the font a 5th grader uses for their school paper because they don't know any better and want to make their essay on elephants look cool. Actually, let me update that. Kids nowadays start using computers at two years old. That's the font a two year old uses for their school paper because they don't know any better and want to make their essay on elephants look cool. Much better.
I know a girl who got so upset with the Netflix show, 'Ozark' font that she tweeted at Netflix for two months straight. Font passion is real, people. I wonder what Kanye's favorite font is though.
7. Livin' Life in the Bike Lane
I'm wondering if this tweet is in direct relation to a bike-related decision he made in a bike store, or if he just happened to be in a bike store when he made a good decision. Maybe he chose a really dope bike and was proud. Or maybe he was in the bike store when he decided to have Jamie Foxx sing the hook on 'Slow Jamz.' Both sound like incredibly successful decisions.
Everyone has their spot. I'm talking about the spot that brings them energy, ideas, and peace. For me that's the movie theater. It always inspires me for some reason. For Kanye, that could be a bike shop. You have to find your place so you can feel your brain working at full capacity. What's your bike shop? Tell me in the comments.
8. Kanye Kazooey
Kanye's beats are easily the best beats in the business. Sure, sometimes they just sound like other songs from the '70s pitch corrected and with a drum beat, but they are still dope as well. I trust Kanye's judgement because Kanye takes risks. If he says he threw some kazoo on that bitch, you better believe it's because it works. He could record the sound of him stepping in dog poo and make it sound good over some pitch corrected Temptations song.
You don't hear much from the kazoo, do you? It's not much of an instrument. It's more of a kid's toy at this point. It's like one of the prizes you can exchange a few tickets for at an arcade. Isn't that an issue when there isn't a big difference between a professional kazoo and one you can get for six tickets?
9. Leggo my Ego
How long did this last exactly? I don't remember any extended period of time where Kanye West either got out of his own way, or let go of his ego. Can you? Isn't that what makes Kanye West, Kanye West? He even has a song with Beyonce about his ego. There are certain artists we like because they are nice, team players, but mostly we want someone with an ego so big that they think it's cool to do their whole concert in a mask.
I'm glad Kanye called out hoodies though. I hate hoodies. Even designer hoodies look bad. Unless it's got diamonds in it, I can't tell the difference between a Champion hoodie and a Gucci hoodie. My wallet can though. That and they look bad. They are the laziest thing you could wear. Step up your game.
10. A Fishy Tweet
So it looks like Kanye West had been watching some cooking shows before going out to eat and tweeting about it. We all do things like this where we hear some expert talk about something on TV so we just regurgitate it to all our friends. "I'll have a gin and soda. You know they say gin is the worst alcohol for your brain." I don't know why we act like it's our own information, as if it's normal to have encyclopedic knowledge of everything inherently burnt into our brain. Or maybe this is just some pure Kanye magic.
I'm going to order my salmon like this the next time I go out. Not only will I ask for it medium, I'll say the full thing. "I'll have the salmon, medium instead of medium hell. I don't want to ruin the magic." I'd say it with a little wink too.
11. Pillow Talk
Hell yeah they are, Kanye. You speak the truth. Sure, the truth isn't Earth shattering in this case, but when you're right, you're right. Have you ever slept on a fur pillow? The fur gets in your mouth unless you sleep on your back. I can't sleep on my back or else I start to choke on my own spit. It's my body's natural response where it tries to kill itself. What? Your body doesn't do that?
Pillows are a serious game though. If you don't have the right pillow, it can mess your whole sleep pattern up. If you have a great pillow, it's all you need. I have this dirty, ratty, perfect pillow in my car for car naps. It might look disgusting, but boy is it comfortable. I could sleep while driving 100 miles per hour with that pillow.
12. Not Gryffindor
Wow, I wonder who Kanye is talking about here. Who wears a big ass striped scarf? You're thinking what I'm thinking. The one and only Harry Potter. That's who. The whole Gryffindor house is all about big ass striped scarves. I wonder what house Kanye would be in. There's a good argument for every single one of them, but let's face it - did you see a single black person in Harry Potter? I don't think Kanye would have gone to Hogwarts. Racist ass school.
I'm not a big fan of scarves in general though. I was in negative degree cold in Chicago and still skipped on the scarf. If one of my many would-be attackers tried to get me, they'd have a weapon ready to use. Just grab the scarf and start spinning around me really fast.
13. Wonders of the Universe
I bet people really popped off when Kanye tweeted this. What's the point of calling out the word "bitch" when you use the word so profusely? I'm not saying I have an issue with it, even though there's a legitimate discussion around the word. I'm just saying, why would someone knock something that they actively do. Case and point, "I made that bitch famous." Let me tell you why. It's because he's talking about the time and the culture.
When Kanye West says that Stevie Wonder never had to use the word bitch, he's not talking about Stevie Wonder's innate abilities (although Stevie Wonder is fantastic). He's talking about the current time and culture of black artists versus when Stevie Wonder was at his height. At least that's what I think he means... who really knows.
14. Kanye, Stop
I'd say there are different categories of Kanye tweets from philosophical to rants. Whatever category this one fits in... I don't like it. Leave the jokes to the professionals Kanye. Everyone's Aunt or Uncle has told them this joke at some point. Hell, everyone on Twitter has made that joke at some point. It's the first joke that stand up comedians make. Luckily, most of them just make the joke in their head, realize it's stupid, and move on.
Speaking of people who shouldn't be doing standup. I recently saw a video of Madonna doing stand up on the Jimmy Fallon Show and... I think we need a break from reality for a while. Stand ups will tell you that it takes ten years to get good. That doesn't mean ten years on stage doing anything. It means ten years of bombing. What happened when madonna took the stage? Prototypical bombing. God forbid Kanye ever gets the same idea.
15. Um... you can.
I love this argument. For a second you get heated and outraged. "Yeah! Why do they get to do that, but you can't do your idea?!" First off, that naked human is a baby. I feel like that's important information. I'm not about to say "hey, look! There's a naked guy outside!" when it's just a baby. You see how there's a huge difference? Babies get the privilege of being naked without anyone thinking they, or the situation, is creepy.
Secondly, who says he can't do that? Literally no one ever told Kanye that he couldn't do that. They may have said that it was a weird idea, but no one put handcuffs on Kanye. Sometimes he has the tendency to act like a victim for no reason. That's just the beginning of Kanye's problems, but we still love him.
16. Burnt Toast
Kanye hit us with the triple tweet. In cast the first tweet didn't make sense, he followed it up twice. He starts off with "Let's have a toast!!!" A toast for what? The thing is, you have to toast for something. You can have a drink for no reason (drinking is enough reason to drink, know what I mean?) Whatever he's toasting for, he follows it up with "Skal!" Does he mean ska music? We can't be toasting to ska music. Ska music is more like ska song. Every single ska song is the same.
Then he clarifies with "THAT MEANS TOAST IN SWEDISH!!!" Somehow that makes sense of it all while explaining nothing. It's as if the reason for the toast was ultimately just for you to learn how to toast in Swedish. Think about that. The reason for the toast coming after the toast. Trippy.
17. Going Down
Damn, Kanye. It's like that? I mean, we've all had this happen where the door closes on someone right in front of us. Sometimes there's nothing you can do except mouth "sorry," and hope you never see that person again. Kanye's not talking about an accident though. He explicitly says that the person is running towards them in this situation. That means the person is desperate for the elevator. Maybe their wife is about to be murdered on the top floor. Who knows? Kanye just hits "close" and bounces. What a savage.
On the other hand, I get it. I hate being in the elevator with anyone else. It's supremely awkward, especially when the elevator is covered in mirrors and you can't help but stare at everyone. If there aren't any mirrors then you have to worry that the person behind you might be preparing to kill you.
18. He So Fly
I miss the days when Kanye only tweeted fun stuff like this instead of things like "I love Donald Trump." I can get behind "I BEEN FLY SO LONG I FELL ASLEEP ON THE PLANE!" I have a 100% hard time getting behind "I love Donald Trump." Enough about DT though. Let's discuss this fire tweet. Now, this one is technically a joke, but it's not as cringy as the stand up joke. I think it's because it fits Kanye.
This works in two ways. One, he's literally been flying so long he fell asleep on the plane. Two, he's been stylistically fly for so long that even being on a plane is normal to him. You have to love Kanye's wordsmithing. It never ceases to entertain, even if it's a little corny sometimes. Come on, admit it. It is sometimes.
19. Deep Down to the Core
There are some things that go without saying. Things like "I love you" can sometimes be communicated without ever being communicated, know what I mean? Then there are things that go without saying because they are obvious as hell. This is one of those statements. No duh, Kanye. This is like the first level of physics that kindergarteners learn. Still, I want to find the deeper meaning.
OK, so I think we can find a real deeper meaning here. The best lessons are obvious. It's that we tend to forget or disregard the obvious. In this case, the apple is love. When you exchange love, you still have love. I'm doing a 60% good job at making sense of this tweet. Then again, it's just a tweet. Who cares if there's no meaning. There are a million more tweets out there.
20. Can We Get an Apple Genius in here?
What the hell is Kanye talking about here? Admittedly, I've never owned a Macbook or an Ipad, but I have friends who own both. Never once in the history of either product have I heard people complain about the Macbook not going online. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's about as easy as any device is these days. Someone needs to get Kanye an appointment at the genius bar at Apple. Or maybe his cable internet went out or something.
This is classic interneting though. You post something that you think is a problem and then hundreds of people tell you that you're an idiot by sending you a link to "let me google that for you." That's the website that literally Googles the person's question for them just to prove how much of a fool they are for not doing it themselves.
21. Choosing Sides
For those of you offended by this, no, Kanye is not talking about you. But if he was, he'd probably be right. Sarah Silverman is funny as hell. I don't care how many people you make laugh in your office. You're no Sarah Silverman. Kanye is talking about jimmy Kimmel in this tweet. It was right around the time Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman split up. Every breakup, even the most amicable ones, can have people picking sides. Kanye definitely picked his side very clearly.
We've all had a friend who has been broken up with, but they totally deserved it yet they try to act like the victim. It's best to just try to avoid that friend while they get over their ex. While you're avoiding them, try sleeping with their ex to pass the time.
22. Be Humble
I specifically remember Kanye saying something about his ego a few tweets ago. Here it is in full force, but I'm not hating on him for it. He's most likely right in some ways. Twitter was created so famous people could tell us what they thought in micro-bursts. Kanye West is one of those celebrities, though certainly not THE celebrity. What I like the most about this tweet is that he knows he's being cocky and stupid, but he doesn't care. He just goes for it.
I love confident people. Why not be confident? It doesn't mean you have to be a jerk. If someone tries to pull you down from your high, that person is a dickhead and you can tell them so. Try to master being confident and humble all at the same time.
23. Love/Hate Relationship
This is the same guy who assaulted a paparazzi, so I think it's fair to say that Kanye West has a love/hate relationship with them. Kanye wants all the trappings of success, including paparazzi, but that doesn't mean they can't get annoying as hell. I'd definitely end up going to jail or getting sued if I was a celebrity. I can't handle people shoving a camera in my face, saying nasty things to me just to get a reaction. I'd hire some bad ass dudes to just hang around and assault the paparazzi for me.
This tweet shows Kanye's loving side for the paparazzi. Everyone wants forty cameras on them when they look good. It's only when you're in sweats and a dirty white tank top that you want them to get the hell out of your face.
24. Let's Table this Discussion
Kanye has a point here. What kind of conference would it be without a table? It just wouldn't feel right. Where would you hide your cell phone while you secretly Facebooked or watched pornography? And where would you put all the food that ends up stinking up the entire room? Seriously, the food could be good, but the mixture of office room and food is always gross. Can you tell that I hate conferences? That's what I get for working in an office for a couple of years.
I would love a Kanye West conference though. That sounds like it would be legitimately interesting, even if it was a conference about timeshares. I'd love to hear Kanye talk about timeshares. He's requesting a marble table too. How luxurious. I've never been at a conference room table that wasn't stained with coffee.
25. Side Burnt
This tweet was definitely about someone specific. I don't know who, because it could apply to so many people, but this is the type of thing you tweet after you see some dude you hate. It's like me saying I hate sun dresses and birkenstocks. I'm talking about one girl when I say that. Ultimately, who cares what kind of beard Kanye does or doesn't like? It would be another thing if Rihanna tweeted this. You'd see a bunch of dudes with a new cut the next day.
Sure, Twitter is a frivolous platform where tweets could easily be ignored, so who cares what people tweet, but also why even bring this up, Kanye? Keep this for your diary. Until you become a barber, no one needs your opinions on this. For the record, I do not have long ass sideburns with a line up RnB beard.
26. Power Couple
Something feels simultaneously right and wrong about the Kimye relationship. It's like they are perfect for each other, but that's what's so disturbing about it. Part of me feels like Kanye needs a super-normal girl, like someone who works at CVS, but I think he needs someone as powerful as Kim to keep him in check. When someone like Kim Kardashian tells you to wash the dishes, you better do it.
I don't know what good Kanye does for Kim, but I'm sure there's something. He seems to think so by this tweet. Again, I love the confidence on display here. Here's the thing. If you are hella good to your significant other, you should totally brag about it. That's a good thing. You know how many people are complete trolls to their significant other?
27. Kings Need Horses
Kanye owning a horse makes a lot of sense, especially if it's a weird horse like that. He's weird like Michael Jackson in that way. Not many superstars could pull off having a zoo and theme park on their property, but Kanye is up there along with Elton John. There's no reason to not own horses when you're that rich. It just feels good to say "that's my horse." Try it while pointing off into the distance. It'll make you want to get a horse. Go check if it's cool with your landlord.
One day we'd have to go through seeing a tweet that says, "my horse died." 10k likes. 26k retweets. Then Kanye could focus on better things like getting a unicorn. "We got the best experts at Donda looking into unicorns right now."
28. Sorry, Bruno
Public apologies are great because you look like a good guy and you get to clear the air. You have to use them sparingly though. If you're doing a public apology every other day, then it just shows everyone that you're either fucking up a lot, or you're just looking for attention. It helps if you were very vocal about your hate for something before you publicly apologize. Otherwise the public apology is more like a public diss masked as an apology. "I want to publicly apologize for cheating on my wife." / "Honey, you were cheating on me?" / "Oops."
I don't recall Kanye ever publicly dissing Bruno Mars, but it could have happened. If not, then this must have come as a surprise to Bruno Mars. I hope he wrote this while he and Bruno were chilling for the first time. Bruno checked his mentions and went, "what the hell? Kanye?"
29. The Answer is Yes
Here's a mixture of cocky Kanye and jokey Kanye. Unless Kanye actually stared at himself in the mirror for 20 minutes. It's definitely possible. I like the idea that he's a little less crazy than that and just wanted to make a cute little joke. This is the type of joke that girls will laugh at when they really like you. If you're not too sure if you're in the friend zone or not, say this joke and see how she reacts. I'm not going to tell you which signs mean what. I'll let you figure that out (also, I don't know).
We all have those days where we look in the mirror and think, "damn. I'm having sex today looking like this." Then there are the days where you look so bad you think there might be something physically wrong with you.
I LOLed at this. That's the perfect response. Good job, Kanye. This tweet could be dialogue in 'Legally Blonde' it's so good. This is also a great response if you have no idea when fashion week is and don't' want anyone to know. It makes the other person feel like an idiot while you get to skate on, still not knowing shit. What do we think of Kanye's fashion line, by the way? At the end of the day, it's fashion, which means it's not 100% necessarily going to be something you wear around. Style on the other hand, is what you wear to the mall or the living room.
Recently Kanye shared a picture of some new shoe designs, and I have to say, they look like your dad's old busted sneakers. Somehow that makes me like them. Having a shoe that's truly ugly, yet is designer brand, is a power move.
31. Ninja, Please
I'm glad Kanye clarified that he doesn't know any ninjas personally. I would have got excited about a ninja doing a feature on the next album. It would just be thirty seconds of silence over the beat. That's how a ninja freestyle goes. Their farts are silent too, but deadly. Kanye is right though, ninjas are cool. They aren't kind of cool though. They are totally cool. You ever see Ninjago? It's Lego ninjas and it's still cool. That's how dope ninjas are.
I used to do ninja themed birthday parties, so I know all about ninjas. I was the most out of shape ninjas, and the sweatiest as well. I think those two things went hand in hand. Man could I break a board though (as long as it was pre-sawed). I may look doughy, but I can do a spin kick, so...
32. Pardon his French
Kanye is just trying to piss off people with this tweet. First he goes and tries to speak French. The French hate that. I went there and they would rather me speak English or just die hungry than butcher their language. Believe me, I tried. I tried my best, but my French just sounds like my Spanish. I don't know how it happened, but that's just how it sounds.
Then Kanye called it France language. Kanye is smarter than that. Many people would disagree with me on that, but I think he is. When you call French, "France Language," that's a stylistic choice. He's just trolling the French. He probably just needed some more French followers so he tried tweeting this. I don't know. I'm just saying stupid shit now, just like Kanye. Somebody help me!
33. New York Water Represent
You know New York City has the best tap water when you can brag about it and everyone knows what you're talking about. Hopefully you've heard about this or else I just sound like a crazy person. New York has delicious tap water for some reason, and it's the reason why their bagels and pizza are better than anywhere else. I'd be bragging about drinking NYC tap too, but that's just because I've never been there.
The water has to be better than Flint, Michigan. No one is bragging about drinking Flint's water. That's right. I'm going to use this paragraph to talk about Flint, Michigan. They've had poisoned drinking water for over four years and no one is doing anything about it. If you went and visited Flint, Michigan you'd have to pay $20 for a bottle of water.
34. Clap Back
I love relatable Kanye. I too hate loud clappers in the car. It's an echo chamber, you loud weirdos. Don't bust my ear drums.
Clapping is hard. Does that sound crazy to you? Let me give you two different situations where it is incredibly hard. The first one is when you're a paid audience member for a game show. I used to do that for money because it's better than sucking D, but doesn't pay as well. After eight hours of clapping, you just can't do it anymore. It starts to become noise. That and the hand bleeding. The other situation is when you're the only audience member in a show. You have to clap the perfect amount because all ears are on you. In a way, you have a harder job performing than anyone else.
35. I Love This Tweet a Shit Load
There are some abstract units of measurement that are easier to comprehend than their real counterparts. For example, Kanye is totally right. A shit load is a great unit of measurement. If you told me you had a shit load of dirt to haul, I'd know exactly what you meant. If you told me you had ten kilograms, I'd have no idea what you were talking about and assume that you meant cocaine. Anytime someone says "kilos" i immediately think of sweet, sweet cocaine.
A shit ton is obviously bigger than a shit load, but a piss ton is smaller than both a shit load and a shit ton. Someone should write a book about all of these. Who would be good for that? I'd say either me or Kanye. Hell, we could write it together.
36. Lesson #1
Kanye has to realize that when you have a special move like that, you have to keep it a secret. You know there were a lot of people in Kanye's life that had to rethink the text messages and emails they got from him. "You're so stupid lol." "I hate you lol." "You're fired lol." Now try those without the LOL. "You're so stupid." "I hate you." "You're fired." Damn. He's right.
What Kanye forgets is that he can say anything he wants because he's Kanye, not just the LOL. People let him get away with a lot because he's a superstar. That's one thing rich, powerful people need to realize. If they didn't have their money, we'd slap their bitch asses for being such assholes. The only thing that stops us is because we want that money.
37. How Else Would You?
Fucking with your timbs on is a very black thing to do. Watch any porno with a black guy and you'll see him fucknig with his timbs on. One, you get good grip out of it. There's no sliding on the bed sheets when you're digging your timbs into the bedsheets, smearing dirt and shit everywhere. Who cares? They shouldn't be your bed sheets anyway. Secondly, you can get the hell out of there quickly in case something goes wrong. I don't know what could go wrong, but I'd rather have options.
Now I have the image of Kanye having sex with Kim while wearing his timbs. I'm not saying I'm mad about that, but it is distracting. If you put a pen and paper in front of me I'd probably be doodling images of it.
38. I'M NOT MAD
I'm failing to see the connection between landing in London and needing to be lazy.or use all caps. I've been to London and I don't remember seeing an usual amount of capital letters or lazy people. That's just my way of bragging that I've been to London. Don't mind me. At the very least, Kanye has cleared the air for those who thought he was upset when using all caps. I was starting to get really worried when I saw those capital letters. It's a tell-tale sign of someone about to lose it.
What's more threatening, all caps or exclamation points. I feel like all caps always means anger, while exclamation points can mean excitement. Think about which "I hate you" text you'd rather get. "I HATE YOU" or "I hate you!" The winner is, all caps.
39. I Wish More People Followed This
Kanye has a point, whether he's talking about himself or people in general. Getting tattoos while drunk is a guaranteed mistake. It's like getting married while drunk. Just don't do it. Unless it's with someone rich and they didn't sign a pre-nup.
I once saw a really horrible tattoo of a rat smoking a bong on a girl. The story was that the girl had come in drunk in the middle of the night asking for it, but the tattoo artist knew better than to tattoo a drunk person. He told her if she came back the next day and still wanted the tattoo, he would give it to her for free. Guess what? She came back the next day and the rest is history. You see, drunk tattoos aren't always just bad drunk ideas. Sometimes they are bad ideas without the alcohol.
40. Fishy Tweet 2
Let me clear the air for everyone. Antique fish tank just means old fish tank. I'm not sure what they were doing in the old days that would make the fish tanks any better. I can't imagine water filtration and water sealant were better quality sixty to a hundred years ago, but maybe Kanye knows something we don't. The one thing we know for sure is that Kim probably threw that fish tank out. We know who's in control of that relationship.
Sad story about fish while we're on topic. My parents had five goldfish that they raised in their outdoor pond for years. One day recently they came out and there were only two goldfish and the other three were terrified and hiding. Something must have eaten them. They got more goldfish so that the scared fish would relax, but then those goldfish got eaten. We could have used an antique fish tank...
41. The Whole Tooth and Nothing but the Tooth
It sucks when you make a grand gesture to do something cool and innovative, but then no one really notices so you have to double-back on telling everyone about it. If you opened your mouth and I saw a bunch of diamond teeth, I'd assume it was just a grill. No big deal there. It just means that we shouldn't go eat corn on the cob together. That must have been what happened to Kanye. No one noticed his teeth were actual diamonds because... that would be bizarre and over the top.
Diamond is supposed to be able to cut through anything, so does this mean Kanye is kind of like a superhero? He could be called The Human Bite. He can bite through anything... with his bottom teeth. I guess that's kind of useless then.
42. Simple Realness
Mosquitos do suck! Thank you, Kanye! This is what I'm talking about. Let's get real with this. Mosquitos are the worst. Wipe them off the planet! My last day in London (yes, I'm bragging about going to London again), a mosquito was in my room and it wouldn't leave me alone. It was one of those tiny ones that you can't hunt down. I hear they are attracted to carbon dioxide so the more you breath, the more they want to get you. The more you cover up, the more carbon dioxide builds up, attracting them even more. Screw mosquitos.
At this point in his career, I would like Kanye just to make some simple songs about how he doesn't like mosquitos. Maybe that would get him away from talking about Trump. Whatever works, right?
43. IRS IDC
You ready for the boxing match of the century? In this corner, standing a five foot eight inches, one hundred sixty five pounds, he's Yeezy himself, Kanye West. And in the opposite corner, standing at zero inches tall and zero pounds because it's not a physical thing, you pay them every here, Taxes! Taxes wins by technicality. Taxes always win.
I hate taxes too. I paid over one thousand dollars in taxes last year. I wouldn't mind paying them if I knew where they were going. I have a pothole down my street that I've popped my tires on several times. I'll put a whole paycheck towards that if they'd fix it. Enough spending that much on the military too. I heard a story where the military was assembling and disassembling tanks just to spend excess money so that their budget wouldn't get cut the next year. This world makes no sense.
44. Back at Jimmy
I don't recall what exactly happened between them, but Kanye really wanted to come for Jimmy Kimmel in the past. It was either a monologue joke, or the breakup with Sarah Silverman. Knowing Jimmy Kimmel, he probably didn't even care. He just laughed it off. That's more press for him, after all. Kanye is slaying with this diss. It feels so petty because there's no way that Jimmy Kimmel deserved this, and because it simultaneously makes fun of Jimmy Kimmel and boosts up Kanye at the same time. If you can diss someone while at the same time telling everyone that you get good pussy, you've just achieved a God-level diss.
The caps might lead you to believe that Kanye is made, but remember, he's just lazy. Hey might have even wrote this tweet while in London. All signs point to yes.
45. Challenge It
It's hard to question Kanye's musical prowess, but best verse of all time? Those are big words. Why don't you be the judge. I can't fit all of it, but overall I'm going to say, maybe not, Kanye.
I throw these Maybach keys / I wear my heart on the sleeve / I know that we the new slaves / I see the blood on the leaves / I see the blood on the leave / I see the blood on the leaves / I know that we the new slaves / I see the blood on the leaves / They throwing hate at me / Want me to stay at ease / F*** you and your corporation / Y'all n****s can't control me / I know that we the new slaves / I know that we the new slaves / I'm 'bout to wild the f*** out / I'm going Bobby Boucher / I know that p***y ain't free / You niggas p***y, ain't me
46. Crack Open a Sixer
These last five tweets are all Kanye tweets from the past year or so. The other tweets had the benefit of time to smooth them out. These are still fresh, whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, I don't know. Bad Kanye tweets before an album equal alarming. Bad Kanye tweets after a dope album equal forgiveness. I'm hoping his new album brings that forgiveness from his fans, but only time will tell. If his album is anything like this tweet, it will be fire. This is pure poetry. Something like this is beyond a rap lyrics or diss about Jimmy Kimmel's sexual prowess.
Kanye does like to stir up controversy, but I truly believe it is in the benefit of finding truth. In the end, I think he'll find truth and accompany it with some of the best beats you've ever heard.
47. No, He Isn't
Bill Cosby is a hard issue for many black people, and for people who know how black people, especially celebrities, get treated. To put it simply, black people get set up. Period. They get set up for crimes, for poverty, and for anything else negative that people in power can think of. That might be a jarring statement, but it's the truth. By talking about it, maybe we can start to change it. Am I being controversial? Well, truth is my goal and controversy is my gym.
Let's put this out there right now though. Bill Cosby is not innocent. Not legally or spiritually. You don't have over forty women come out about you like that over the course of thirty years and still retain your innocence. Even if half of them are lying, that's still twenty women.
The MAGA hat has some terrible connotations for some people in the United States. I wish MAGA supporters would realize that. When so many people are hurting, and saying that they are hurting, you'd think people would want to listen. Make America Great Again is a direct attack on minorities. The Again signifies going backwards and taking away rights that people fought so hard for. Make America Great, but not Again. Now, now. Don't get defensive saying "I'm not a racist!" if you support MAGA. Did you ever think that maybe the hat's message is racist, and if you didn't want to be called one, you could just denounce that message and throw away the hat?
I think ultimately Kanye has good intentions by wearing the hat, but good intentions can still do damage. I have black friends who won't listen to his music anymore because of it. Even though his intentions are to unite all people. What do you think?
49. More Problematic
Kanye tried to clarify himself with this tweet, and sort of almost does a good job at it. I think he needed well more than 280 characters to clarify his point though. Like I had mentioned above, it's a delicate issue for many people and it takes a lot more than a tweet to make it all better.
The one good thing that came out of this was "dragon energy." This is the new Tiger Blood. Remember when Charlie Sheen went crazy and said he had tiger blood? This is the same thing. These celebrities get crazy on drugs and say stupid shit. Everyone says stupid shit on drugs, but nobody listens. When a celebrity talks, we listen. That's the problem. You have all these idiot fans who are listening to a crazy person. Kanye already admitted to being on opiods for some of his crazy tweets in the past.
50. Kim Steps In
You have to love Kim Kardashian. She's going to be the only person that can steer Kanye clear of trouble. Remember when Kanye earlier tweeted that Kim didn't how know much of a blessing he was to her? Well, I think it may be the other way around. Kanye doesn't know how much of a blessing she is to him. She obviously still has his back 100%, but she has to steer the ship a little bit. They want to stay multi-billionaires after all.
Kanye goes on to say that he doesn't agree with 100% of what Trump does. It turns out that the only thing Kanye really likes about Trump is that he proved that anyone could be president. That's something you should probably say outright, Kanye. That six pack of truth is going to come at a cost.
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