No one is one hundred percent perfect at their job. Don't let anyone tell you different. If someone does, that person is just really good at covering it up. The truth is we've all screwed up at our job at some point, but very few of us have photographic evidence of it.
You might think you're all good while screwing around on the job, but you have to be careful when it comes to security footage. The whole security team could be laughing at your expense, waiting to blackmail you with video of you switching the gluten-free rolls with the gluten-loaded rolls.
This might be giving you too much credit, but I bet your worst work mistakes aren't nearly as bad as most of these. These might make you realize you're actually a great worker. Let me know your worst work screw ups in the comments - #48 is the biggest fail of them all!
1. A Laurel and Hardy Routine
The news either got this completely wrong and forgot to input the guy's real first name and last name, or this guy is a living Laurel and Hardy routine. Those are the guys who did the "Who's on first?" bit. "What's your last name, sir?" / "It's lastname." / "That's what I said. Last name." / "Correct." / "So, what is it?" / "What is what?" / "Your last name?" / "That's it." It can go on for hours! I love a good joke like that.
I used to work for my college's news program as a cameraman and there would be a guy whose job it was to do all the graphics, just like this. Who was this guy? He was the head of the program. They couldn't trust the job to a college student because then things like this happen.
2. What the Lock?
At what point do you realize that this is wrong when you're building it? I'm so lazy that if I showed up to do the job and found out that I only had the equipment to make this faulty door, I'd still just go through with it. No way I'm dragging myself all the way back to the job site just because I was given the wrong material. They can figure out how to use the door themselves.That, my friends, is how things like this happen. Pure laziness.
I guess this works well if you want a door that only locks or unlock from the inside. Even if the person had a key they couldn't get in, nor could they pick the lock effectively. The kid from Home Alone needed one of these doors. He would have been perfectly safe, or should I say, the robbers would be perfectly safe. They were the ones who got the short end of the stick in that movie.
We all know the old children's song, "first the worst, second the best, thirdst the worst... too?" That was a quick way to realize that this is way off. Here's what I wonder when you look at a screw up like this - who screwed it up? Did the person who ordered the medal ask for 3rd and then the maker of the medal gave him 3rst? Or did the person who ordered it ask for 3rst and the medal maker just went with it? If someone orders something from you, like a medal, a sign, or a cake, and they give you messed up wording, don't assume that they know better than you. They will thank you for calling and asking, "are you sure about this whole 3rst thing?" They'll thank you for it.
You'd think that the medal maker would have some templates for 3rd place medals. Maybe he made too many of the wrong type and is now selling them at a discount. Hell, at discount prices I'll buy a 3rst medal.
4. I'm No Continent Expert...
I'm not continent expert, but that's not Asia. That's Africa. The two countries are very different. One has been ravaged by white people. The last you can do for Africa is properly label it. This design ends up being kind of cool. I like a shirt that is blatantly wrong. It's almost funny, but this looks too much like a believable mistake for it to be cool. I'd like to see Africa with "Antarctica" beneath it. That would be ironic on many levels.
One of my favorite things is to go to the dollar store and buy the surplus shirts they have. They are always misprinted or say something weird on them. There are millions of weird variations of "Keep Calm and [blank] on." Keep Calm and Drink Beer On. Keep Calm and Asia On. You know, stuff like that.
5. He Crossed the Line
Road workers are not messing around. They have work to do, so if you get in their way, you're going to regret it. It's not them who will get sued, it's the city, so they could care less if they paint your car or cover it in asphalt. Here's a prime example of that. Talk about proving a point. It seems like painting the car was harder than just ignoring it, but this car needed to be taught a lesson.
I wish some road workers would do this to my car. I'd get free racing stripes. It's not like that paint is going to fade anytime soon. If it doesn't fade from cars driving on it, it must be pretty good paint. In fact, I think the next time I paint my house I'm going to use road paint. I'll go for yellow-line Yellow. That'd be beautiful, and I'd never have to paint it again.
6. The Walk of Shame
The only reason this is like this is because the contractor didn't want to drill through the tile to put the toilet paper dispenser on that side. They either didn't hire a good contractor, or they hired a good contractor and didn't pay him well enough. That's how this type of thing happens. The contractor just makes a note never to use that bathroom unless they bring one of those extending hands you use to pick up trash.
What's awkward is that if anyone else is in the restroom they'll see you making frequent trips to the toilet dispenser. Hopefully you don't have a messy one if you know what I mean. Actually, it sounds pretty clearly described as "a messy one." I don't think anyone will have a hard time figuring it out. They might have a hard time getting out of their heads though.
7. Don't Look Down
I've actually been in a restroom that was similar to this and it was incredibly awkward. Instead of the doors being high up, they were incredibly low so that you couldn't help but look inside while someone was using the restroom. At that point, the doors are useless. Sure, it's nice to have our faces covered, but that's only so you can't see the deep-red embarrassment all over our faces while you're obviously staring at our underparts.
There's nothing worse than a bad public restroom. When you can find a good one it can really change the game. I still think about the Hard Rock Cafe's bathroom in Hawaii. Completely private, sealed off restroom doors. It felt like heaven. If heaven was a restroom. If it were, Hawaii sounds like the right place to put it, to be quite honest.
8. They Got the Berry Part Right
Well, at least they got the berry part right. Those are definitely berries of some sort. They must have run out of strawberry packages and improvised. Listen, if you need packaging to tell you what fruit you're eating, then maybe you need to learn about fruit a little more before you jump into it. The only fruits I'm unsure of are when I go into the Korean grocery store. They have some fruits and vegetables there that I've never even heard of.
Strawberries are so different from all the other berries. Can we even believe that they are part of the berry family? I want a paternity test on strawberries. Let's take them down to the Maury Povich show and get this figured out. "Berries... you are not the father." The berries start doing backflips. You've seen the show, you get it.
9. Opposite Energies
If you ever want to explain energy displacement to a child, show them this. I say that as if I know what energy displacement is. After a quick Google search, I have to say that I my use of that word was completely wrong. Let me try that again. If you ever want to explain sacrifice to a child, show them this. You have to sacrifice one drawer for the other. You can't have what's inside both. Whoa. I feel like there's a deep message in all of this.
I have some drawers like this that I just keep the stuff I never want to use inside of them. Old soy sauce packets are especially abundant in those drawers, along with plastic silverware. It's like I am compelled to keep them, but I will never use them.
10. Could be Cool for Skateboarding
If you've ever played the videogame Tony Hawk Pro Skater, then you are thinking about how fun this rail could be to grind. It's never ending! Too bad the normal world wouldn't ever see someone skating this rail, so it's pretty much useless. Someone is going to be texting while they walk down the stairs (never a good idea, but you gotta do what you gotta do) and then they'll flip over the rail, tumbling down the stairs right into a million dollar lawsuit.
I know some guys who are so manly that they'd see that and immediately go to their truck, get a metal saw, and cut this down. They wouldn't even do a bad job about it either. They'd sand it down and make it look professional. I'm not that type of guy. I'm the guy texting and falling over it.
11. What a Sinker
This company went so far as to actually set up an aquarium to show off how well he phone case floats. They could have at least put some fish in there, or a lobster that people could get for free with purchase of the case. At $129, it better come with a bunch of stuff. There aren't any features that would make a phone case worth $129. Sorry, Dick Smith, but your product is busted. One tap to the phone and it'll end up sinking, which is what obviously happened here.
This product is dumb because it's not waterproof, but it floats. When was the last time you gently placed your phone in water, making sure to keep the button-side facing up? When you drop your phone in water it's usually from a high point where no matter how floatable the phone case was, it'll still plunge in.
12. It's a Bird, it's a Plane...
There is no shortage of bootleg merchandise with the wrong superhero on them. I follow a few instagram and tumblr accounts that show pictures of all the horrible bootleg merchandise out there. Super League (Justice League) where half the characters in the package are Power Rangers and the other half are X-Men. They are works of beauty. This is a prime example of the type of products that are created. I'm not sure how any of this works legally, but is there a point to not just saying Superman instead of Batman? Can you avoid a lawsuit by saying it's a different character than what's shown? It's like parody law. They could just claim that it's a parody.
Just like the Africa shirt that said Asia, I think this is very cool. It's anti establishment, which I'm not super passionate about, but it makes me sound cool.
13. Eye Don't Like This
An action figure could get away with this flub, but not a Barbie doll. The whole point of Barbie dolls is to help girls feel insecure about their body image. If the Barbies look busted, how are girls going to feel bad about not having an impossibly skinny body and flawless features? I'm obviously being sarcastic, but I also have a good point. Boys or girls who play with action figures can just pretend the messed up eye is part of the character. On a Barbie, that doesn't work so much.
I grew up with an older sister, so I'm no stranger to playing with dolls. I'd use my allowance to buy a doll just so my sister MIGHT accept me. It never worked. All it did was give her new reasons to make fun of me. I should have seen that coming. Now I look back on all those years of wasted allowances and cherish those memories.
14. The A is Important
You know when you don't have smiling feces? After eating at McDonalds. Boom. McDonalds diss, even though I'm probably going to have McDonalds for lunch (a Happy Meal, in case you forgot). It's because I don't care about what I put in my body, if you know what I mean. OK, this first paragraph is just getting wild now. How about we move on to the second paragraph where I say something less disturbing? Sound good? Sounds good to me too.
It's hard to blame this person, especially considering 90% of the McDonalds employees I've run into are English as a second language speakers. These mistakes are bound to happen, unfortunately. When I've written in Spanish do you know how many horrible things I said on accident? Almost as many as I said on purpose.
15. My Mane Man
This looks like one of those stories you see on Facebook where a cat was super ugly and wouldn't get adopted, but then someone decides to rescue them. The cat is still ugly, but at least it has love. You can't give a cat plastic surgery, but you can give a stuffed animal plastic surgery. I guess in that case it's cloth surgery? I'm not sure how that works. I'd cut the eyeballs out and stitch them back the right way. All fixed.
Some would say to charge less for the defective item, but I say charge more. That's a rare piece. By economic law, it should cost more. Imagine if a Beanie Baby had a defect like that. It would probably score someone thousands of dollars. I'm assuming Beanie Babies are still valuable. If so, then I have a couple hundred dollars resting on my pillow.
16. You Can't Escape Coke
Coca Cola is one of those brands that seems all powerful, kind of like Disney. It's not as powerful as Disney, but maybe if Coca Cola wielded the Infinity Gauntlet and teamed up with Starbucks then maybe they could beat Disney. That is, if Disney doesn't inhale Coca Cola and absorb its power. This is the type of weird conversation that I like to have. Which brand would win in a physical fight. It's fun having a child's mind in a man's body.
This reminds me of the movie Sausage Party. The Coca Cola cans are living creatures who wanted to leave the grocery store so they disguised themselves as Fanta. I don't know if that's the best choice considering who the hell buys Fanta over Coke? Uh oh. Did I just piss off a bunch of Fanta fans?
17. Gendered Bathrooms
This bathroom was ahead of its time. While the United States argued over who can use which restroom, and what those restrooms should be labeled, this one said "screw it. We'll label it confusingly and let the people figure it out." It's like a social experiment. Do you go by symbols or by words? Or maybe you're a man wearing a moomoo like Homer Simpson in that episode of The Simpsons when he got too fat and you see this, finally feeling like you've found a restroom for you.
I personally think that before we even begin to think about how we label restroom, we need to figure out the public restroom situation. I'm sick of being somewhere with no public restroom in the vicinity. Let's use those tax dollars on public restroom, not jets and tanks. When's the last time you went number two in a tank?
18. No Hablo Espanol
Even the slightest bit of proofreading can prevent this from happening. It's pretty obvious what happened here. The person tried to pop the instructions in Google translate, but they must have kept the setting on English to English and not realized it. The thing is, you're not going to get a good translation for these types of directions on Google Translate. It's going to come out as nonsense anyway, but nice try. Google Translate might be a great tool, but it's got flaws. You can't trust it to write a love letter to your Spanish lover.
You'd think that companies would go through the process of hiring a Spanish speaker to translate instructions, but that would cost money. Why would a company ever do that? It's easier just to hire the intern to create the packaging. They're not getting paid, so why would they proofread what they were doing?
19. That's not PC!
I thought we collectively decided to stop saying "retard." That means that any mixture of -tard should be included in that. For example, if you call someone a libtard, (liberal retard), you're still practically saying "retard." Now you've got me saying it just to prove a point. We all become the monsters that we seek to vanquish. If that quote doesn't work for you, let me give you the famous Dark Knight quote, "you either die the hero or live long enough to become the villain."
Screwing this up means that this person has no concept of why this product is called what it's called. The point is that it's a tart, a pastry. It's a tart that you pop in a toaster. I don't know what a tard is, but it's definitely not a tard that you pop.
20. Grant Loves Fries
I'm getting cold from the shade being thrown here. It sounds like Grant screwed up and ordered too many fries so the manager got salty (no pun intended) and wrote this sign for the fry sale. Grant's mistake is all of our benefit. One dollar for a bag of fries? I don't care if they suck, which they probably do because all frozen fries suck. That's a great deal. Thanks Grant!
The only way to get a good frozen fry is to actually fry it in oil, but if you've ever owned a deep fryer, you know how much it sucks to fill that thing up over and over again. That one dollar bag of fries is more like $10 after you buy all the oil you need to fry them. Here's a little trick though. Get a brush and brush oil on your frozen fries. It won't make them super crispy, but they'll be pretty good.
21. Is This a Mistake?
I have some insight on how some of these mistakes are made because I've tried to be the person who does some of these jobs. For example, I almost got a job with my friend at a place that wrote the synopsis for television like this one. The thing is, these are not professional people doing these jobs. These are people who are making $10 an hour working midnight to six am. At a certain point you just start writing whatever the hell you want just to see if anyone will catch it. Other times you just plain mess up because who cares?
At the end of the day, this one actually works. I don't know if Guy Fieri is actually a troll, but I'm sure he has some percentage of troll blood in his system.
22. When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go
I've been in a lot of awkward restrooms. It's just a problem with water piping. Sometimes you don't have any choice but to try and fit a restroom in the worst place possible. That's why sliding doors are great. The door can just slide into the wall instead of ram into the toilet. While this is a working solution to the problem, it looks way better when the door is open. Once you close the door and people on the outside are staring at your thigh, it gets a little weird.
I'd put a little curtain over the hole so that there was a little bit of privacy, yet the idea still worked. I don't love the idea of a cloth curtain rubbing against a toilet several times a day, but it's better than my thigh sticking out of the door.
23. I'm Crying
"Listen, Larry. We've got to load up all these onions in the bags as soon as possible." Then Larry considered whether he should clarify which ones were onions. He didn't want to look stupid so he just nodded his head and said OK. Six hours later they had a truckload of corn labeled as onions. "Larry, if you weren't my son in law I'd have you fired!"
This is when the farmer has to give an apologetic phone call to the store he's delivering to. "Sorry, but I've got more corn in onion bags for you." / "Are you kidding me? Just fire that idiot." / "I can't. My daughter loves him. Can you take them, just this one last time?" / "Fine... but this is it. No more corn in onion bags." And that, my friends, is where the phrase "no more corn in onion bags" comes from. Oh, wait. That's not a phrase? OK.
24. A Unique Body
Imagine having the terrifying job of climbing incredible heights to put up large advertisements. You'd want to be in and out as quickly as possible. Now imagine that you've put up the first half, and everything looks normal, but then you start to put up the second half and realize you've made a terrible mistake. Are you going to go back and redo all that work? Hell no. You're going to keep going and claim that you thought it was an artistic layout decision.
This is the type of mistake that makes people think that there is an artistic decision being made. Are they saying something about how women put their bodies before their minds? It's so deep! Now I have to buy their clothing because they've shown that they are woke. That's how I base all my purchasing decision.
25. This is Hell
This is exactly what it looks like after you die in a Target. You think you're still alive, pay for your merchandise, and then you go to leave and the door says this. Then you live the rest of your eternity wandering a Target whose merchandise is never rotated. If that doesn't sound like hell, I don't know what does. Getting tortured constantly with whips and flaming spears? Oh, yes. That sounds much worse.
People will make fun of you for going through a door in the wrong way, like pushing when you should pull, but with how often those signs are wrong, I'm not surprised that anyone messes them up. We have grown to distrust door signs, with good reason. That's why I found the perfect solution... drop kick your way into every door. You won't ever be let down.
26. That's Not Right
I already have enough of a hard time with my lefts and rights. It's not like it's difficult or anything, but I get so worked up about getting it wrong and looking like a fool that I start to question myself. Do you ever do that too? Maybe it's just a symptom of highly anxious people like me. My palms sweat just thinking about if I'm going to eat my fries or bit into my burger first when I get a Happy Meal (yes, I still get Happy Meals. It's a better deal).
This remote is the worst not just because it's mislabeled, but also because the left and right buttons are on top and bottom of each other. That makes no sense. It's so counter-intuitive. I think every TV should have a standard remote shape, but that'll never happen because they are all fighting for patents on their remote designs.
27. For the Freakishly Tall
I don't get how this happened. That must have been a difficult rail to put up. It's not like it was so quick and easy that they got halfway through it and realized they messed up. Once you're climbing the ladder while holding a heavy piece of metal, you should know that this is not worth the effort. There are no mythical giants walking around who will need this. Giants wouldn't take the subway anyway, especially the claustrophobic giants.
This is just asking for parkour dudes or stupid teenagers to mess with it. If I saw this I'd probably be compelled to climb my un-athletic self up on that rail and do something cool. You know what's not cool? Ending up in the hospital because you thought you were some kind of action movie star.
28. I'll Take the IPA
This obviously is meant to say peel, not pee, but even then, I hate fruity beers. If I want a fruity drink I drink juice. If I want a drink that I pretend doesn't taste bad, I drink beer. That's just the game we play. I don't need to sit around and talk with my friends about the notes of orange peel we're getting off of our beer. What I need is for us to drink twelve Budweisers each and get in a fight. That's why we drink beer.
With how crazy some of these craft breweries get, I wouldn't be surprised if they tried this. They are so desperate to make a name for themselves that they are like, "let's venture where no brewer has gone before... we'll make the first pee beer." Indian Pale Ales already taste rancid enough. You don't need to add anything else to it.
29. I Don't Know that One
There's nothing like a word of the day calendar to make you feel completely stupid. I only know about 200 words that I use in various combinations. I've done fine with that many words. I know what you're thinking. "Dude, you're a writer. You should know words." Do you really want me to use obsequious and pusillanimous? You don't. No one wants that.
When people ask me what my favorite book is I tell them that it's the Dictionary. When they look annoyed and demand me to tell them the real answer, I tell them it's the Thesaurus. I'm very fun at parties. I just haven't been to one in a while... what's up with that. The invites stopped coming after that last party I went to where I did my dictionary/ thesaurus bit. I thought everyone loved it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that the real picture belongs to Ben Kisila. For some reason he doesn't strike me as a Teresa. Poor Teresa though. She was probably excited to see her picture in the yearbook. Instead Ben stole her shine. Actually, let's not blame this on Ben. Let's blame this on the editor who obviously has a crush on Ben. They thought putting him in the yearbook twice would be a sure sign to him that they had feelings for him. I hope they are living happily together.
I'm really happy that I still have my old yearbooks, but I always feel weird going through them. What's the appropriate amount of time in between reminiscing? Like, once every five years seems good. If you know someone who looks through their yearbooks every week, then that person has a problem.
31. Life Isn't Fair
I feel like the person who made this doesn't really understand the plight of a person in a wheelchair. That's a complete lack of empathy. I bet they hang out with someone in a wheelchair and ask, "why don't you just walk? You lazy or something." I know that sounds ridiculous but there are really people out there with that little of empathy. They aren't intentionally evil, but they end up doing evil things out of ignorance.
I think someone needs to either take off that sign or put some planks of wood over the stairs. I'm not saying it's a great solution, but it's better than straight up stairs. If the person in the wheelchair gets a rolling start they could make it up the plank. Maybe a car could tow them with a rope to give them that extra speed.
32. Special Olympics
I've never known the stereotype that bakers are dumb, but this is a good piece of evidence to prove it. I bet there was a long discussion in the bakery about why someone would want "Olympic Rings" on their cake. No one at any point thought, "this doesn't make sense. Let's call the client and see what's up." Let's face it, most people just aren't very smart. Or the person is smart enough, but not at seven dollars an hour. At seven dollars an hour, you get the dumb version of me.
This is obviously a cheap cake, but have you seen those fancy cakes that have moving parts? I can't begin to imagine how you would make one of those. No wonder they cost an arm and a leg. That's a skill only a few people can do, and even then, they struggle with it.
OK, ice cream cone. Here's the thing. I'll let you slide on the cone. Maybe the dipper machine got a little lazy and didn't give a full dip, but what I find inexcusable is the lack of chocolate on the top of the cone. That's just not right. The chocolate on the top is meant as a protective barrier for the ice cream. Without it, all could be lost. That's not to mention the false advertising involved here.
There are two types of ice cream trucks. There are the standard trucks that sell all the prepackaged ice creams like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cones or Wrestling sandwiches. Then there are the ones that have soft serve cones. I'm all about those soft serve trucks. Those are the only trucks I'm down for. Don't come into my neighborhood with that prepackaged stuff.
34. Doesn't Cut the Mustard
Luckily these condiments are color coded, so I don't think anyone is going to have an issue here unless they are color blind. We often forget about the color blind people of the world. They need to be considered as well. The traffic light system works really well for them because they are at different heights, but imagine if it was all one light that changed. Color blind people would be getting in wrecks all the time.
I used to clean these machines when I worked at a movie theater. Out of everything to do there - clean the theater, take out the trash, cook hotdogs - cleaning the mustard and ketchup dispensers was the worst. The mustard and ketchup vapors would burn your skin and make you itch for hours. There's something about mustard that is deadly. No wonder there's such a thing as mustard gas. Just add hot water and it becomes a deadly weapon.
35. Check Your Recipes
I'm not going to stand here and say that lemons wouldn't be good in orange juice, because I'm sure they would be. It's like a lemonade with orange juice. That's not so bad. The problem I have is that it can't be so good that it dictates a sign. That's not the headline for lemons. A good headline for lemons would be, "goes great in lemonade." That makes a lot more sense to me. I don't even think I need you to tell me what lemons are good for. It's not like people have forgotten how to use lemons.
I'd be mad even if these were oranges and it said "perfect for orange juice." It's like, duh. I get that it's perfect for orange juice. You know why? Because orange juice has orange in the title. It's kind of a given that it'll be good for orange juice.
36. You Say Tomato, I say... Cucumber
I've heard people say the expression, "you say tomato, I say tomato"- wait, I don't think that really works when you type it out. The nuance is lost. Anyway, you know what I'm talking about. I've never heard the expression, "you say tomato, I say cucumber." That would be nuts. People don't say that because one, they aren't crazy, and two, they don't mess up this bad. Now I'm not even sure what the real price is on these tomatoes. This is why I get my produce from the liquor store where every sign is spelled wrong.
I never know what to do with cucumbers. I guess you can cut them up and eat them, but that's like eating the worst part of a watermelon. Pickles are the only way to eat cucumbers. It gave them flavor and purpose. When's the last time you saw a cucumber in a hamburger? Never.
37. I Paid for NO Crust
Nothing shows income inequality more than Uncrustables. Think about it. The fact that this product exits shows that there are people who can and are willing to pay more for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich just to get less of it. There are people in America dying of hunger, and we have people spending more on less food. If you grew up with Curstables you better check your privilege. Uncrustables privilege is stronger than white privilege.
This proves that all the company is doing is making regular peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and then demolishing the crust. I hope they use it for something afterwards, like a protein bar or something. Just relabel it as something else and you have a whole new product to sell. Call it The Upper Crust Bar, as in the upper crust of society.
38. Currency Exchange Problems
I'm no expert on a lot of things, as you have seen by how I handle most subject matter in this article, and the British pound is no exception. I'm no expert on foreign currency in general, unless you count arcade tokens as foreign currency. The exchange rate on them is pretty easy. One quarter of US currency equals one token. That never changes, thankful. Even with my lack of foreign currency knowledge, this doesn't seem right. Math has taught me that half of anything is always... half. Not only is this not half, it's more than the original value. Any mathematician could see the problem here.
British chocolate is better than American chocolate though, so maybe it's still worth it. I don't like it on principle, but I'll gladly pay more for better chocolate.
39. Foreign Film
When you have a job to do, you have to do it even if you don't know what you're doing. In this case, the editor knew they had to finish the film, yet they didn't know any Chinese. Rather than move to China, learn Chinese, and then come back to finish the job, they just went for it. I actually really like how upfront and honest they are. They could have tried to guess what the guy was saying, but that wouldn't be fair to literally put words in the guy's mouth. At least this way we feel a little more connected to the editor.
The thing about subtitles is you can't really trust them if you don't know the language. Who wrote the subtitles? I had a friend who wrote subtitles and he was just some stoner. He didn't care about the job. You could be watching a foreign film subtitled by some twenty year old stoner.
40. I'm Fine with That
That K isn't even trying to look like an E, which means this person really thinks it's "Cock," not "Coke." I'm not surprised though. I used to work at the movie theater and many people with latin accents would say "Cock" instead of "Coke." No one should be made fun of for having an accent, and I'm not really making fun of them when I say this, but - it was hilarious every time. I couldn't help but smile when a guy asked me for a large you-know-what. Then once they left I'd cry because I don't have a large you-know-what.
At least a lot of restaurant patrons got a good laugh out of it while this was up. You know what they didn't get though? A Coke. As much as this sign makes me smile, it doesn't beat the cool refreshing taste of a Coke.
41. Wrong Hole
I hate this type of opening anyway. It sucks. You never get enough of the liquid out, yet you can hear it jangling around inside, taunting you. I buy a coconut water that has this type of container and I need to take a hacksaw to the container just to get all the juice that I paid for. Please tell me that you have the same issue. If it was water it'd be one thing, but this is sweet coconut water we're talking about.
When you get a product that is messed up like this it is always best, and customary, to drink half of it and then return it. Might as well get a few good sips in before you get a new one. Just tell the store that you didn't realize it was broken until after you opened it. See? I'm a scamming genius.
42. Two Holes
You know what everyone's least favorite part of the toilet paper is? The middle. So do you know who wants TWO middle pieces? NO ONE. Everyone at one point or another has been forced to use the middle cardboard in place of toilet paper. It's not a good situation, but what can you do when you realize that you're completely out? It's the only way. It's still the worst.
Are you the type of person who spends a lot of money on toilet paper, or you the person who gets the one-ply-gets-disintegrated-in-the-wind type of toilet paper? In an emergency situation you buy what you can buy, but it's always best to spend a little bit more. Your butt is a very important part of you. You need to treat it extra special so it doesn't turn on you later in life.
We've talked about bathroom comfort earlier when we saw the picture of the bathroom with the cut open door. I'd take that bathroom over this one any day. This is totally unacceptable. I don't care if it was the cheapest door at the door store. You can't do this to people. fI have seen a door like this but once you close the door the glass goes black. I still didn't like that. I don't know what it was that made the door black, so I didn't trust it. It could break at any point and I'd be caught with my pants down.
The best bathroom doors are completely noise proof and have a lock that tells everyone outside whether it's occupied or not. There's nothing worse than handling your business and hearing a rattling on the door handle.
44. They Sound Good on Paper
The Red Hot Chili Peppers sang such hit songs as "Californication," "Under the Bridge," "Can't Stop" and "Otherside." The Red Hot Chili Papers sang such hit songs as "Papercuttification," "Under the Pen," "Can't Stop (writing)," and "Paperside." Those puns were almost as dumb as his label. You're in a record store for Christ's sake. That's where you should be a music snob who knows their stuff. You can't tell me you don't know who the Red Hot Chili Peppers are?!
I live by one of the biggest record stores in the country, and yet they still never have anything I'm looking for. They have many copies of music that no one will ever want, but never any of the hits. Nowadays if you want music you need itunes. Everything is digital, but maybe that's a good thing.
45. Move Over, Barbara Walters
Sometimes you show up to a job without any of the necessary tools, but that's no excuse not to do the job. It's not like there aren't a dozen other microphones in front of the guy's face. I'm pretty sure it won't be hard to get the audio of what he said, right? All those microphones are just for advertising anyway. God forbid you forget about ESPN or Fox.
One of my favorite jokes is using a weird object as a microphone or a telephone. It's no one else's favorite joke, but it sure is mine. At any awkward moment I'll just pick up a show or a banana and say, "hello?" If that doesn't get a laugh and turn things around, then I don't know what will. Quite obviously I don't know what will.
46. You Missed
So close, yet so far. One inch to the left and this would be a perfect taco. Ok, well maybe not the perfect taco, but the perfect Taco Bell taco. There's a difference. Not that I'm hating on Taco Bell. It's my go-to fast food, but it'll never beat a real street taco. Find me the most beat up, white taco truck and that's where I want to eat. Luckily in Los Angeles they are everywhere. You could eat every meal at a different taco truck without ever having a hard time finding a spot.
The Doritos Locos tacos is a sure sign that the world is coming close to an end. Not that it's Taco Bell's fault. It's just that this is one of those cosmic signs. We got everything we asked for - space travel, flight, Doritos Locos. Where else is there to go?
47. The Perfect Movie Theater Snack
Hear me out on this. What if there was a way to drink soda and eat popcorn at the same time? Those are two things you usually eat together anyway. Why not combine them so that you don't have to worry about the crackling of the corn during a quiet scene? Gone are the days of a scratchy, dry throat while eating popcorn. Here are the days of a soda-popcorn hybrid sludge. We have to get past the whole problem of that tasting disgusting, but that's only a small problem.
I go all out when I see a movie. I'll buy popcorn and a soda every time. If there is a commemorative cup, even better. I just bought a Solo cup when I saw Solo. It made the soda taste better. It's like drinking Mountain Dew while gaming. It's the perfect match.
48. YOU ARE
If you want to show someone the definition of irony, go open my favorite book, the Dictionary, and look up "irony." But seriously, this image is the definition of irony. There's no way this teacher is the best if they couldn't effectively teach you that it's "you're," not "your." This is a very common mistake that even I make very often if I'm not proofreading. If you're going to engrave something though, you better proofread it a couple of times.
Between "your" and "you're" and "their, they're, and there," we have a big problem with grammar. Most people don't even care that they use the incorrect word. That is what's sad. They love their ignorance. People don't want to better their writing skills. Oh, well. We can't all be great writers like me.
49. They Gentrified Oreos
This is how crazy gentrification has gotten. You stroll by the Oreo 100th Anniversary section and even the Oreos have gone white. All jokes aside (since that isn't how gentrification works at all), gentrification is crazy. I live in a neighborhood that used to be all small stores and restaurants for the latin community. Now there's a record store. I mean literally a record store. They don't sell Cds or anything else. There's also a comic book shop that only sells LGBT comics. Good for them, but that's not a business.
Gentrification sucks because the new stores and restaurants are never any good. They're just expensive. As much as I want an LGBT comic book, I can't spend $40 on a book in place of my favorite corner store. Those are just the facts of the situation.
50. I Hate Spiders
I'll take a roach over a tarantula any day. Sure, these are fake bugs we're talking about, but I just want to put that energy out in the universe. When I see a roach in my apartment, I don't get mad. I feel blessed that it's not a tarantula. It's a very zen way of looking at the world. But also, universe, if you're listening, I don't want any bugs around me, feel me?
One time me and a friend put a fake cockroach in his bathroom. A couple of hours later we heard his dad screaming and trying to kill it. It went on for quite a while before we heard him say, "why aren't you dying?" Then he must have realized what happened because he started to laugh. He must have been OK with the prank because he waited until after I left to beat my friend.
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