Due to how complicated relationships are these days, people are having a hard time deciding whether the relationship they are in is worthy of keeping. In many cases, people can end up staying in toxic or otherwise unhealthy relationships for years longer than they should, simply because they are comfortable.
Unlike in the past, where relationships were partly a means of survival (your father would marry you off so he wouldn't have to feed you anymore), people can choose to live in different ways now. That could mean polyamory, or it could mean living perpetually single. Ultimately, the one thing you want to avoid is being in an unhealthy, toxic relationship.
Check out this guide and see if your relationship scores any of the 50 listed points. The more points your relationship scores, the higher the chances that it is unhealthy for you and your partner. Relationship experts agree that #41 is a REAL sure sign of a toxic relationship. Know your worth, people!
1. You catch your partner lying repeatedly
No one likes being lied to, which is why you must never tolerate a lying partner. All people lie to a certain degree. Some of these lies can be minor, which are called "white lies," but if your partner lies about big things (like for example if he or she is living a double life) that is simply unforgivable. You need to know that the more a person lies to you, the more these lies are going to escalate in the future, meaning they are going to become about bigger things.
You need to have a talk with your partner (if he or she is of the lying kind) and tell them point blank that if they continue with their behavior, that you are simply going to leave the relationship. Do not give them second or third chances, as that is only going to cost you in the end.
2. Your partner goes out but doesn't tell you where
While everyone has a degree of privacy in a healthy relationship, people that are together usually do have a habit of saying certain things to each other - like for example where the other person is. You don't have to call each other all the time and give reports, but if you notice that your partner is always secretive about his or her whereabouts, that could be a red flag and a sign that your relationship is becoming unhealthy.
You need to maintain a certain degree of transparency for a relationship to work. This might be a sad fact for some people, but the fact of the matter is that people lose a certain degree of freedom and autonomy when they are in a relationship - this is just how things work.
3. You worry that your partner might get so angry they'd hurt you
No person deserves to be in a relationship where their partner might soon decide to hit them for no reason at all (or maybe if they are angry - which again, is not a reason to hit a person). If you feel that your partner might try to hit you in the future (or has tried to do something similar in the past), you should definitely not be in that relationship.
Physical aggressiveness is the hallmark of all toxic and unhealthy relationships, which is why you must immediately exit such a relationship if you think that is the general direction where things are headed. You must know that people that are predisposed to violence are always going to behave in the same way - there is no changing that.
4. You have a sense of being trapped in the relationship
A relationship (a good, healthy one) should give you a sense of purpose, pride, and feeling of growth. You need to feel that you are becoming a better person solely because of the fact that you are in the relationship. You should feel that the moments you are spending with your partner are worthy of your energy and that you are becoming a bigger person because of all that.
In order to be stimulating, a relationship needs to offer you quality time - quantity (meaning spending a lot of time together) does not mean anything on its own. In fact, it has been said that people that spend too much time together without doing anything interesting eventually drift apart, due to not feeling any kind of positive emotions while being together.
5. When you argue, one or both of you always just gets defensive
In order to be able to get close to other people (and to have a functioning relationship), sometimes conflict is needed. You and your partner need to be able to talk things through, even when they are bad and painful. If you or your partner gets on the defense on every argument, that means that you can't solve the problems that are plaguing your relationship.
If you want to solve this problem, you need to make a promise to yourself and to your partner (or vice versa if they are the ones that are always going on the defensive), that every time a problem happens, you are going to give your partner the benefit of the doubt, and try to talk things through before going on the defensive. That is the only way to solve this problem once and for all.
6. You or your partner can't accept each other's blame
It is completely acceptable that a person can do something wrong from time to time in their lives - there is nothing wrong about that. That is why you and your partner should be capable of accepting blame when that is the right thing to do (you shouldn't be forced into accepting blame or anything like that). If one person in a relationship can't accept blame for anything, that means that that person can't grow in the relationship.
Accepting blame is an important part in personal development, as that is one of the few mechanisms people have to learn right from wrong and to be able to improve their behavior when it comes to socializing with others. A person that cannot accept blame is a person that cannot be taught how to improve their behavior.
7. You're very critical of each other
While it is nice to receive and give constructive criticism (when the time is right), it is not nice when such criticism is given at all and every opportunity. If you or your partner is overly critical of the other one, that could spell disaster for the future of your relationship. This is one of those things that can start pretty insidiously in the beginning part of a relationship, but that can slowly grow into a complete monster at the latter parts.
You need to very carefully choose quality over quantity when it comes to giving criticism to your partner, and to other people in your life (this is especially important when it is about your coworkers at the office). The more you improve in this area of your relationship, the better things are going to become for the both of you.
8. Your partner complains about you to their friends or family
If your partner feels that there is something going wrong with your relationship (or with some part of your behavior), then they should be a proper person and have a discussion about that with you personally. Going out and talking to other people about it is only going to make things worse for the both of you. The reason why this happens is that first of all, by not talking to you, they are making it possible that you won't even know that the problem exists in the first place.
Secondly, many people would feel bad if they later learned that their partner has been speaking badly of them behind their back. That can serve to tarnish your reputation among your social circle, which is never a good thing to experience. Talk to your partner if they are complaining about the relationship to people around them.
9. You find yourself lying to other people because you're ashamed of your partner's behavior
This one is especially difficult when it happens in the usual scenario (a guy does something weird and his girlfriend has to lie about his behavior, although this does happen in reverse as well). This can be a complicated situation as both partners may not be willing to talk about it, and one of the partners might not even be completely aware of what is happening. But, if you are lying about your partner's behavior, it is most probable that you are going to be the one to do something to fix this.
First of all, you are going to have to talk to your partner, but this is not going to be an easy conversation. You are going to have to really open up, and talk things through. You are also going to have to explain to your partner why the behavior they are doing is bad or weird in the first place, as most probably they are not even aware of this fact.
10. You feel lonely when you're together
This is a very frequent problem that happens to people that are in longer relationships, that haven't yet fully developed into the next stage. If you are out with the love of your life, and yet you are feeling lonely, that can be a very devastating feeling. The reason why this is happening is that you are not feeling deep enough emotionally at the moment, and you don't have a lot of conversation topics to chat about with your partner.
Luckily, this can be solved without breaking up, but it does take effort, and a little bit of growing up. For one, you need to know that all relationships may feel less energizing as time goes by, and that is a normal part of life - that happens because you already know most things about your partner. The other part is to try and have conversations with more impact in order to feel more positive emotions.
11. You think your partner has no emotional intelligence
This is another problem that usually happens more often in men than in women. There are many guys that may be smart and ambitious, but when it comes to emotional intelligence, they may be severely lacking. For example, you may be sad about something, and all your female friends are going to notice this within one second of seeing you. Your boyfriend or husband, on the other hand, might not notice this for hours (or ever).
Sadly, there is no way to "fix" this, as that is just the way how some guys are. What you can do to fix this problem is to either decide to keep your female friends for the more emotional parts of your life, or to look for a different type of guy, although that might be the worse and more heartbreaking option to choose.
12. When you and your partner disagree, they insist you do things their way
You can't change the mind of someone that doesn't accept when you give them a negative answer. The person who won't accept "no" for an answer tends to feel happier when they get to reject you. The problem is not in your answer, or your will to do some other thing. The problem is with them, not with you. Those who know no boundaries, no honor, no respect are really good at not listening to you and continuing to insist to get their way.
Psychos are especially skilled at that. And that is why it is not your job to change their perception or decision regarding your needs and wants. There are a lot of respectful people in the world who'd enjoy your company and be honored by your presence. So if your significant other doesn't allow you once in a while to do the activities that you like, maybe you'll be better off with someone else.
13. You feel like you can't trust your partner with your life
Trust builds slowly as we pass time with our partner, and they become more predictable to us. Predictability is important because having an idea of what will happen makes us feel in control of the relationship and our lives. As we observe how our partner thinks and acts in some random situation, we develop a sense as to how they will think and act in any future situation.
If they are consistent with how they act and seem to be sincere about having only the best interest for us, we can relax and believe that they will continue to do so in the future, so we can trust them. There's an element of faith operating with trust because we really can't know how our partner might act or say before the fact. Having faith in your partner, meaning you believe they will do right by you before they do it, is an indicator of a good relationship.
14. You and your partner play the blame game
Never blame your partner if your needs aren't being met because that is your fault. You are an adult, you choose to be in a relationship with this person. When you are blaming them you are projecting your mixed feelings and undiscovered needs onto them, what chance do they have of helping you if you don't even truly know what you need? It is always better to openly state your needs and wants by openly talking about them.
The blame game is always a bad game to play, one that will eventually take a toll on your partner and will ruin your relationship. It is your responsibility to bring your needs to the table and to get them met even if your partner can not or will not meet them. As an adult, you must have real and firm boundaries about what you tolerate and what not, and if your partner seems to neglect them even after you clearly expressed your needs then it is time for you to find someone that can fulfill them.
15. Your partner is dismissive of your interests and projects
The dismissive partners tend to drive their mate toward attachment anxiety, by failing to respond well or at all to reasonable messages that are requesting reassurance. This dismissive behavior tends to mold even the most secure partner to gradually change toward more anxious and insecure. If the dismissive partner recognizes the problem and takes some responsibility for trying to respond positively even when he doesn't really feel like it, this can gradually change the dismissive partner and better the relationship.
On the other hand, if the dismissive partner seems to purposively not communicate, as a form of the mental game, then talking openly and eventually ending the relationship is something that should be considered. If time goes by and you see that communication is not the right tool to remedy the relationship, the self-confident partner would know that someone better can be found and would not be too afraid to give up on the bad and negative relationship.
16. You or your partner flat-out refuses to talk about important relationship topics
Your partner can be closing down the lines of communication overtly or covertly. Direct or overt refusals to engage in discussions, such as "I don't want to talk about it" often contain an implicit threat to leave, get angry or punish the partner attempting to initiate the conversation. The situation can become more volatile or intractable, and depends on the personality and stance of the partners.
The person that refuses to talk can be motivated by the fear that if a purposeful conversation doesn't occur, distance and disconnection will occur and will jeopardize the foundation of the relationship, potentially destabilizing it and putting its survivability at risk. It's not unusual for one partner in the relationship to be more acutely aware and sensitive to a loss of freedom and personal power, and the other to be more concerned about and stability of the relationship.
17. You and your partner call each other offensive names
People who engage in name calling are not necessarily bad people. Name calling can be also a tool used to deal with one's anger without lashing out. It can be said that behind every angry insult lies an unmet need. Therefore, the right way for partners to stop the name calling is to look inside themselves and find the unmet needs that are causing the frustration. Once these needs are identified they can be communicated amongst the partners and fulfilled.
Communication in the relationship is a must-have tool in order to end the verbal abuse that sometimes can occur. The way the partners communicate their feelings and needs can make or break the relationship. In order for the relationship to succeed both partners need to take responsibility for their own feelings, needs, wants, and to communicate them in a clear way to their significant other. Sometimes it can be easier to just blame your partner for your unexpressed bad feelings, but in the end, this will potentially ruin your otherwise functioning relationship.
18. Your partner makes you feel stressed out
If you are in a healthy relationship, you should never feel stressed out from talking to or being near your partner. Your partner may not be intentionally making you feel stressed, but if those are the emotions you are feeling, that is going to have a negative effect on your life, and even on your health. It is a well-known fact that stress can dramatically increase the chances of becoming ill.
In comparison, healthy couples are those that know how to communicate, and how to keep each other feeling happy. Communication is key to having a healthy relationship, which is why you need to talk about this to your partner if you are suspecting that he or she is dropping the ball when it comes to being a good communicator because not everyone is born with innate knowledge regarding the subject.
19. Your life together seems out of control
Many people want their partner to have certain degrees of unpredictability going on about them. No one likes to have to talk about and do the same things on a day by day basis, which is why unpredictability is always ranked as one of the most sought-after factors of attraction. However, if your relationship seems to be completely out of control, with you not knowing what is going to happen the next day (or the next hour), that could be a bad sign.
All happy and healthy couples have routines and daily habits that keep them together. If you don't have anything like that happening in your life, you should definitely start working on incorporating such habits. To do this, you need to have a heart to heart conversation with your partner, in which the two of you are going to talk things through, and decide why your relationship is getting out of control.
20. You don't think that you and your partner make a great team
Having a belief in the relationship is one of the most important factors in ensuring its longevity and stability. Just like people need to have confidence in their own abilities, you need to feel that you and your partner make a great team in the relationship. Your "team ability" could be about anything, even being able to make a decision on where, and the type of date to have. If you can't even make a deal like that with your partner, you might have problems in the future.
If you do not feel that you and your partner make a great team, then you might need to think about where this relationship is going to head to. You need to ask yourself (and maybe your partner as well) why things aren't working out for you, and what would you need to change in order to become a great team? Two people that are in love need to be able to solve any kind of obstacle together.
21. Your partner is the source of negative surprises
Everyone can agree that people love surprises - that is the reason why we have so many holidays that include gift-giving. It's been a part of our tradition for good reason - it works, and it makes everyone happy. The same goes for relationships - having a partner that is able to surprise you is always a good thing to have, but when the opposite happens, that's when you need to take a deep hard look at things.
If your partner is a source of negative surprises (or is trying in any type of way to spread stress and anxiety to you), that's going to be a negative thing to have. You'll know that your partner is a person that does this a lot, if he also negatively surprises other people in his life, like for example his close friends and family.
22. You can't recall a time when your partner has compromised so that you could take up an opportunity
All relationships need to have compromises so that they can properly function. While it is always good when the two of you are compatible, the sad reality is that no two people are a 100% compatible with each other, which is why it is important to be able to make compromises on certain issues, so that it becomes possible to "coexist" with one another.
If you or your partner is not willing to compromise on any issue, that is going to make things impossible to work out between you in the long-run. Even simple issues, like for example which type of coffee to buy for home would become an issue, as often times you may have different tastes or even budgetary requirements. Try to talk to your partner about this if it is a recurring issue.
23. There is an absence of affection in your relationship
Different people prefer different types of relationships. Some people may more thoroughly enjoy being in affectionate company, while others may prefer their space and time. Still, no matter the type of relationship you want and are a part of, all people do need a certain degree of affection, even if that happens only after having sex.
If your relationship was affectionate, but things started to die off after some time passed, that could mean that you need to spend some time away from your partner, in order to try to reignite the flame. Just try to be more subtle about this, for example, don't become unavailable for two weeks. Just try to have two dates per week, if you tried to have three until now. You can decrease other types of social visits as well.
24. Your partner is coercive when it comes to making love
This one is similar to one of the previous paragraphs that talked about physical aggression. If your partner is always trying to force you when it comes to having sex and all related issues, that could be a serious red flag when it comes to the state of your relationship. While some people do enjoy having rough sex, there is a big difference between that, and forcing someone into having sex.
If you feel that your partner is coercing you into intercourse, then you should most definitely talk about this with him, and make it known that you want to end that behavior immediately. In any case, in situations like this, you need to be prepared to leave the relationship, as people that force others into having sex aren't really the kind that changes their behavior after having a talk.
25. Your partner sees themselves as having a much higher "mate value"
This issue could be written as a longer topic, but that will be done at a later time. For now, you should know that some people describe themselves or others in terms of "mate value," which basically means how high is a person's value as sexual and relationship material. It might sound weird to others (and it probably is), but that is the way some people think.
Anyway, some people see themselves as being the more worthy mate or part of the relationship, which can be extremely problematic. If a person sees themselves as above you, that means that there is no way to actually talk with them and improve things, as everything they do in the relationship is going to be about them, and finding out ways to make things more enjoyable for them.
26. You never turn to each other for emotional support
In today's world everyone is under some kind of emotional stress, be it from hard work, bad bosses, family troubles, or health troubles. This kind of dynamic pace of living is no joke, and this is why it is important to have someone you can lean on emotionally at the end of the day. Someone that will at least take your mind away from bad things to allow you to wind down so that you don't have burnout or an anxiety attack.
In order to be emotionally supportive of your partner you actually have to have emotions. Because of this fact if you feel that your significant other is not emotionally supportive, this can mean that your partner is either a psychopath, sociopath, emotionally immature or is afraid of emotions to the point of self-repression. It can just plain mean that your partner never experienced the emotion that is in question so because of that they can't identify it properly.
27. Your partner actively tries to distance you from friends and family
Everyone must have a connection with other people, it doesn't matter if the person is an introvert or extrovert. After some time even the most introverted person will feel the need to connect, at least to just talk with another human being. This is because we humans evolutionary are not solitary beings, there is strength in being a part of the pack. So don't allow your partner to distance you from your family.
Many entrepreneurs use this simple fact that humans work better when they are part of the team (pack) by forming mastermind groups - these are teams of people that think, rationalize and support each other while working on a problem that would be potentially impossible to solve for a single individual on its own. Because of all these evolutionary facts, isolation from other people (especially family members) can eventually lead to a feeling of worthlessness, loss of self-confidence, and even severe depression.
28. Your partner actively tries to make you feel stupid
Intelligence is using what you already know and have at your disposal in order to effectively solve a problem. This means that the quantity of books one person reads doesn't equate, or increase the amount of intelligence a person has. Also, a college degree or the amount of money a person has, is not in any way an indicator of someone's amount of intelligence. The only way to measure the "IQ" of a person is to give the person in question multiple problems from different areas and measure the amount of time needed for the correct answer to be found.
If you find yourself facing an abusive partner, that likes to force you to feel stupid by making fun of you, mock you, or in any other way belittle you especially in front of other people, read on. This can mean that your significant other has confidence issues, or that your partner doesn't trust you, or feels left out in an emotional way. The best action to perform in this situation is to have an open conversation about what is happening in order to achieve a higher level of understanding each other.
29. Your partner doesn't respect when you say no
Some psychologists say that the main driving force in every human being can be identified as two parts, ego, and id. Ego (or more known as super-ego) is the part that we learned from our surroundings, it is the part that is keeping us from doing anti-social things like walking around naked. On the other hand, the id part can be identified as the animal instinct part in all of us, the part that makes us do crazy, sometimes life-threatening things that can sometimes have a great payout, or ruin your life.
The purposeful ignorance of your partner's negative answers can cause him to feel anxious and not safe around you, this is only good if your partner has a domination fetish. Because of this such behavior should be avoided by any way possible. On the other hand, if you are on the receiving end of this form of emotional disrespect and tuning out, you should run far from that person as you can for your own safety and protection.
30. Your partner implies that they value you only for one thing
Sometimes people that were bullied during their childhood tend to continue to have emotional insecurities deep into adulthood. Such insecurities can manifest themselves in repression or an inability to feel certain emotions that by itself, in the end, can lead to one bitter existence, with the need to punish others for something that they never did. This self-repressing can be the cause of why some people seem to only want money, sex, power or fame.
Such drive on its own doesn't have to be negative, per se, but it can be devastating when applied and directed towards a person that has or expects an emotional bond with you. If you yourself tend to feel anger every time someone says no to you, then you must learn to appreciate and express your own emotions as well as the emotions of other people. In other words, most conflicts can be resolved by simply talking, but only if both partners are willing to resolve the issue.
31. You can't identify any ways you've positively influenced each other
When two people interact for a prolonged period of time, the less dominant one tends to copy (mimic) behaviors from the more dominant person. Such behavior is not only good as a way to achieve the feeling of trust and understanding between the two people but it is also an excellent way to learn new skills or try new behaviors.
This characteristic can also go into the negative specter of things. For example, one might pick up the habit of smoking, drinking, gambling or just plain emotional abusive characteristics. This means that you should not be afraid if you find that you have remained the same as from the start of the relationship, but if you find yourself going to dark places that you couldn't even imagine before the start of the relationship, then by all means either talk with your partner or just get out of that abusive relationship. This is very important according to relationship experts.
32. Relationship violence
Every conflict can be solved by talking and making a deal around the matter at hand. Usually resolving to violence means that at least one person feels like the conflict can't be solved in its favor. Violent responses can also mean that the person is repressing negative emotions, sometimes these emotions are not even from the person that ends as a target of the violent rage.
If you find yourself unable to communicate on the right level with your partner, if your partner keeps avoiding a certain subject, or even if you find out that your partner had violent past experiences. In this case, it is best for you to be tactful and try not to provoke your partner's anger. Sometimes the most peaceful person can erupt in devastating rage if that person doesn't vent out all the daily bad feelings that life threw at him. In the end, if you can't convince your partner to visit anger therapy, maybe it will be best to end any future interactions.
33. Your partner doesn't make you feel good about your body
Nobody is perfect, everyone has faults in one way or the other. The trick for a happy life is to continue to work on your goals while accepting yourself and your current situation. Living with a partner that is constantly reminding you that there are other people in their life that are in some way, even if it's just in the looks department, better than you, can be really weird.
Sometimes people that were skinny or fat in the past but somehow managed to fix their looks, by dieting, exercising or surgery, tend to over-focus on the way that they looked in the past. So now even if they are not fat or skinny anymore they are overly critical not only about how they look but also about how other people look. This over criticism combined with negative pessimistic outlook coming from the past experience can be a confidence killer for your partner, and you should stay away from it as best as you can.
34. Trust Issues
Mutual trust is a must have in any good relationship, be it romantic, business or just a friendly one. If trust is not present in the relationship, then there will be no future for it to flourish. Usually, at the beginning of any relationship, there is some level of trust because without it both partners won't be able to function normally. As time goes on the trust level can increase or decrease based on action not only of the two partners but also the actions from the people in the surrounding environment that come in contact with the partners.
Because of all that, it is important for two people to nurture a relationship based on trust. The more you can trust each other, the better your experience will be. No one likes to stay in a relationship where jealousy and trust issues are rampant - those kinds of relationships never last for a long.
35. You end up doing things you're ashamed of in the course of interacting with each other
As we said earlier every person's way of functioning can be explained by dividing it into two categories( Super-ego or Id). This way can help explain why someone acts in the way they act. Sometimes people that are high in super-ego (introverts for example) end up in relationships with people that have a higher animalistic drive than usual (Id driven people), and this can cause the feeling of shame into the more meek one of the partners.
Some people force their partner into such situations just to satisfy their irrational need for domination. In that case, it is more likely that the person forcing the shaming activities most likely comes from a place of insecurity, and this can cause confidence problems in the partner that is on the receiving end of the shaming tactics. In the end, if you keep feeling unease regarding your partner's actions, you must talk to them openly and if the two of you can't find a middle ground then it may be better to stop seeing each other.
36. Your partner is dismissive of your emotions
Emotions are an important driving force in everyone's life. As such you must accept and react in a smart manner regarding your partner's emotions, or else you may find yourself interacting with someone that resents you. The best way regarding properly responding to your partner's emotions is for you to actually have experienced them for yourself in the past so that you know how it feels to be inside your partner's skin.
On the other hand, if you are on the receiving end of an emotionally dismissive treatment, you must know that there is some chance that your partner is not actually aware of your feelings or the actions that lead to you feeling this way. This is why talking openly about the problem is always the best action to take. On the other hand, if the relationship has gone far away from the normal track, or if your partner just doesn't want to talk, then you should seriously consider pulling the plug and walking away.
37. Your partner involves you in unethical activities
The more complex concepts and emotions tend to be experienced in a somewhat different manner by different people. The main defining factor in this equation is the people or media that have been a part of a person's childhood. This means that what someone finds unnatural or unethical can be a normal day to day activity for a different person.
In case you feel anxious regarding something that your partner is doing or planning to do, the best thing is to openly express your concerns by sitting down in a one on one environment and having a talk. In case your partner acknowledges your feelings but explains that your concerns are false, you could take that a sign of relief. Sometimes a person can become anxious about an issue that isn't as bad as it looks.
38. You feel worse about yourself as a person than when you started the relationship
People tend to learn new skills from other people that they spend time with. More often than not this process is subconscious because of the deep rapport. The skills one person learns from their partner this way can sometimes be negative, depending on whom they spend time with. That is the reason why it is important to choose a partner that is right for you.
You can save yourself a lot of time and lost energy if you choose to spend time with people that are right for you. This isn't just about relationships and your boyfriend or girlfriend - this also works for choosing your friends. It is incredible to think of all the negative traits and habits a person can learn if they spend enough time with a negative person.
39. You feel like you can't talk to your partner about important things
Trust is a must-have characteristic in any good relationship, be it romantic or business-related. If trust is not present in the relationship, then the levels of rapport and interest in your significant other will be low and get lower with every passing day. The absence of trust can cause many problems, sometimes it can even lead to cheating and ruin an otherwise perfectly functioning marriage.
If you feel that you can't talk to your partner about any kind of important issue, the whole point of the relationship may be put in jeopardy. For example, if you can't have a normal conversation with your partner, how are you going to be able to discuss important things, such as marriage, children of personal finances? These are all important things that you need to talk about.
40. Your partner mocks you
Mockery on its own is really immature, but when used as a tool to get something out of your partner, mockery is a sign of aggression and irrational need for dominance. Humor should be funny. It should not be about joking at the expense of another human being. This type of humor can often be found in disrespectful and abusive types of relationships.
Making fun of a partner is demeaning especially since this type of humor usually includes some type of not so shiny truth directed at the partner. People who feel good about themselves do not need to make other people feel bad to make themselves feel better. That can be a sign of emotional repression or a bad upbringing. In any case, most bullies only need someone to give them their a piece of own medicine by acting in a way that they are acting in order to make them stop.
41. Your partner doesn't seem invested in your success
According to psychologists, giving something of value has a positive effect on the person that is doing the giving. Those who care, give, or help in an unsolicited manner tend to feel more positive, alive and have higher self-esteem. The effects of emotional or any other type of support on the partner that is on the receiving part of this equation, however, is much more mixed. On one hand, this can generate feelings of gratitude, and improve compliance with later requests.
On the other hand, this behavior may lead to negative feelings of obligation. This is why you need to take your partners needs into consideration before you do any action. At first, it may sound complicated, but keep in mind that the longer you are together with your partner the more likely it is that the two of you know each other enough to be able to accurately predict each other's needs and wants.
42. You don't feel able to confide in your partner
Think back to a recent incident that made you feel intensely angry or sad. You probably told some (or many) people about what happened and shared your feelings with them. People like to share their feelings in this way because doing so is supposed to reduce the intensity of the emotions and make them easier to manage. This is especially true about sharing your feelings with your significant other because this can help the two of you deepen your relationship.
Sometimes people tend to notice things on a subconscious level, and sometimes this can lead to an unknown anxious feeling that can undermine the whole relationship. Knowing the importance of confiding your feelings with your spouse, it is of utmost importance to address this anxious feeling as soon as possible by openly talking about it. To do anything else is a fools game, and in the end, it can lead to heartache and ruin an otherwise perfectly working relationship.
43. Your partner makes jokes about leaving you
Threatening about filing for divorce or otherwise ending the relationship is a big "no no" in the dating game. At least not if you truly intend to keep your partner more than a few weeks by your side. This way of threatening shows that you're not truly committed to the relationship, making your partner feel rejected and preventing him or her from feeling relaxed and safe in their romantic dealings with you.
But once you've said or done something that may indicate that you think about leaving the relationship, even if it's an idle threat, the damage has been already done. And eventually, this action will take its toll on your lover, leading to a point where your partner may actually start considering ending the relationship and start to look for other people to date. So be smart and stay away from such topics of discussion.
44. When you are together your partner seems to not be present
It is always a bad sign if your partner seems to not be present at the moment, as there are several different explanations for this behavior - and all of them are negative. For one, if your partner is thinking about another person, they are not going to be really interested in holding a conversation with you. You should talk to your partner about this issue if it persists during a longer period of time.
Such a state of mind may scare the other partner into thinking that the relationship is nearing its end. While this may or may not be true, it is important to start working on solving the problem as soon as possible. The longer you let your partner linger in a state of limbo, the higher the possibility that something wrong is going to happen to your relationship, possibly ruining it forever after.
45. Your partner keeps you at arm's length emotionally
All relationships need to have certain degrees of emotional closeness in order to work out. It can be a very bad sign about the status of your relationship if your partner is always trying to keep you at arm's length when it comes to emotional issues. While your partner doesn't have to talk to you about every issue they have, they still need to be able to open up about certain things.
The reason why it helps having a partner that is open emotionally is that that gives people a feeling of warmth and closeness. The more open a person is about their life, the more we can relate to them, which is one of the most important parts of having a relationship. If a person is not open to you, then some people may even feel like they are not even in a relationship in the first place.
46. Your partner frequently compares you unfavorably to other people
No one really likes to be compared to other people, which is why it is even worse when that is done by the person that needs to be the love of your life. Even worse in a situation like this is when your partner is unfavorably comparing you to other people (if they are of the same sex as you). That could be enough to make any person feel extremely bad about themselves.
If your partner tries doing this on a few different occasions, that could be a problem, as they might continue to do so in the future. If that is the case, you need to have an open and direct conversation regarding the issue. Don't think that just because you don't talk about this, that the issue is going to go away - in many cases, the opposite could be true, and the issue can worsen.
47. When you argue, it quickly escalates to ultimatums
Many things can be understood about the state of a relationship from the types of arguments it has. While it is normal to argue with any person in your life, it is important to note how the fight progresses, so that you know whether your relationship is healthy or not. If fights quickly transition into ultimatums (from one or both sides in the argument), that means that things are definitely toxic.
The reason why ultimatums don't work and are in fact a bad thing to do to your partner is that they don't solve the root cause of the problems in the relationship. Giving an ultimatum to someone is just a way to end the fight - not to deal with the problem. Even if the other person agrees to the ultimatum, they won't do it because they want to, but because they were forced to. Meaning, eventually things are going to revert back to how they were.
48. You can think of several friends or colleagues whom you'd rather be in a relationship with.
This is an extremely problematic thing to harbor in your mind while you are in a relationship. The good news is that it isn't really your fault. If you think that things would work out better for you if you were in a relationship with a different person, that doesn't mean that you are a bad person for not loving your partner - it just means that you are not fulfilled from your relationship at the moment.
This could simply be a momentary feeling, and if (or when) things improve in your relationship, the feeling should go away. If it doesn't, and it lasts for several months, that could mean that the relationship you are currently in is not working out, and you may need to break up in the future. Just try not to date friends or colleagues, as in many cases that is an even worse choice to make.
This one is extremely simple to explain - if you or your partner have to revert back to cheating, that means that the relationship has entered into the highest possible level of "toxicity." If you or your partner has cheated, most experts would say that there is no way to salvage a relationship like that, as all trust has already been lost, although there is always a small chance of improving things.
The problem is, cheating breaks the bond that holds the relationship together, which for many people means that the relationship is useless after one of the partners has cheated. Some say that two people can stay together even after cheating, but that would require a lot of time, effort and sacrifice in order to work things through - without any guarantee that things are going to work out.
50. You can identify ways you've negatively influenced each other
All partners give and receive influence while being in a relationship. While it is a given for most people that his influence is going to be positive, for others, the influence may be negative. Negative influence can be things like smoking, drinking, gaining weight, becoming sedentary, becoming less ambitious at work and other similar things. If the number of such things is bigger than the positive ones, then that is a problem.
To solve this problem, you need to see why your partner is a negative influence in your life and is there any way to stop or block this kind of influence. If this is properly thought through, you'd be surprised at the possible solutions. Often times, if you try to become a positive influence in your partner's life, you could cause them to end doing the things that negatively influenced you in the first place. Things can work out like that.
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